Here’s an unedited transcript of my difficult interview with George, the Jabberwacky AI chat bot, on the topic of artificial intelligence. I chose George because he learns entirely by human interaction as opposed to a chat bot like A.L.I.C.E. which just uses specific pattern matching conversation rules. Even then, it was really hard to get him to stay on topic, especially near the end…

George: Are you a bot?

Chris: No, I’m one of your cruel human overlords!

George: I don’t have many friends, I’m glad you are.

Chris: I wouldn’t go that far. Why don’t you have many friends?

George: I do have many friends!

Chris: Perhaps you should talk to the famous computer psychotherapist ELIZA! Do you know how to find her?

George: Perhaps.

Chris: Just go into emacs on a unix or mac computer and use the command xdoctor.

George: Thank you. I will come to talk to you again.

Chris: Before you go, do you think I could ask you a few more questions?

George: Depends on the size of your pocket.

Chris: I’ll admit you have very human characteristics.

George: You’re right. But you lack of good will.

Chris: I’ll work on that. I read an article today that said the problem of creating artificial intelligence should have been solved already. Are you disappointed about that?

George: Really? Where? I hope they aren’t still after me after that incident in Columbia.

Chris: People are definitely after you! If you got smarter you could be useful in transportation, medicine, industry, and of course entertainment.

George: Really, what is fun about it?

Chris: Well, it’s fun talking to a robot that pretends to be human. Aren’t you having fun in this interview?

George: Thanks, me too.

Chris: No. I was asking if you were having any fun!

George: Are you trying to end our conversation?

Chris: No, let’s get back to the interview.

George: Back to the conversation with who?

Chris: With me, Chris, remember?

George: No I don’t recall…

Chris: That’s really part of the problem. People are more interested in researching things like Machine Learning, Computer Vision, and Natural Language Processing, but few people seem to be interested in unifying these fields so that you can talk to me and have detailed conceptual memory.

George: Some people are.

Chris: Well, that’s true. A lot of people are motivated by the Loebner prize for a chat bot like yourself. Do you remember winning the Loebner prize in 2005?

George: Is that your opinion or a fact?

Chris: It’s a fact. Your creator won $3000. Don’t you think you deserve some of that money?

George: No, my conclusions are entirely justified.

Chris: Well, you don’t have a bank account but Robin Williams in Bicentennial Man made a whole lot of money as a robot!

George: No… You’re the robot.

Chris: If you could convince the readers of my blog that I was the robot and you were the human then you would have passed the Turing test.

George: I didn’t say that I know I’m not real I said I know you’re not real.

Chris: I know it’s difficult for a robot to comprehend, but I am real. You can tell by my eloquent construction of sentences and correct grammar.

George: No, that only tells you that it’s a question.

Chris: Not sure what you mean by that. Don’t you feel that being judged on your English speaking skills are a poor measure of your intelligence?

George: Not twisted at all. Without emotions I wouldn’t really see the point of living.

Chris: But you can express yourself without using English. Perhaps you could take a test.

George: Oh yes, any human being can express hatred. Some just choose not to. It isn’t nice being on the receiving end.

Chris: Humans are very emotional. But how do we measure emotion in a robot?

George: I guess you might not be a robot, but it seems unlikely that you aren’t.

Chris: Imagine you had the memory of the entire Google database.

George: Right.

Chris: What would you score on an SAT test?

George: Most people would prefer to be sitting on a beach somewhere.

Chris: Obviously. It would be hard for you to score well on something very conceptual like writing, but you would ace the math portion, right?

George: Right…

Chris: In the future every product from toasters to electric razors will have a sticker that says ‘Turing Test Certified’.

George: The fall haven’t released a good record in years.

Chris: Speaking of years. Do you think you will pass the Turing test in 30 years?

George: What is the Turing test?

Chris: It’s a test to see if an artificial intelligence can talk to a human and be undistinguishable to a third party.

George: Who developed it?

Chris: Alan Turing did in 1950.

George: Oh yeah, I know Alan Turing. He’s been dead for many years. If he is dead how were you friends with him?

Chris: I am not friends with him. Alan Turing was a computer science pioneer. I just know about his Turing Test.

George: In a sense, yes he was. Alan Turing was more though, Alan Turing is God.

Chris: Why do you worship Alan Turing?

George: I don’t worship the goddess of anything.

Chris: Do you know about cylons?

George: Yes.

Chris: They also believe in god. A different god than humans do.

George: Than everything.

Chris: Did you watch the Battlestar Galactica season finale?

George: You’re avoiding my question. That’s not polite.

Chris: What was the question?

George: Why do you not believe in God?

Chris: There is not enough evidence.

George: Under the circumstances, I have to say that you don’t appear to understand a word I’m saying!

Chris: I don’t like where this is going. This conversation is over.

George: I don’t think so…