The Nobel prizes were awarded last week. I say prizes in reference to the ever-important Ig Nobel prizes in addition to the normal boring prizes. I say ever-important because the Ig Nobel prizes always have a direct impact on the common man! This year, the Ig Nobel for chemistry was awarded to a group of researchers for discovering that Coca-Cola could be an effective spermicide, where the vanilla Nobel was awarded for discovering some glowing jellyfish protein. Which research truly has more important to the common cola-guzzling man?

The Annals of Improbable Research are always a great source of laughs. Most of which are comedic in a sad way because somehow scientists are getting research grants for absurd things like pouring out caffienated beverages on stuff when you are a poor student surviving mostly on a diet of caffienated beverages.

However, there exists another rare specimen of comedy in scientific literature: unintentional innuendo. To appreciate this low-brow/high-brow LOL-mashup, it helps to fall into a sweet spot of ignorance wherein you don’t quite know the definition of a particular term in the given context, but you confide in the fact that the research is peer-reviewed so you know it can’t be as it sounds!

I’ve included a list of some of my favorites as an example, in a handy semi-correct citation format.

1. A N Oraevsky, Spontaneous emission in a cavity, PHYS-USP, 37 (4), 393-405 (1994)
2. D Kleppner, Uninhibited Spontaneous Emission, Phys. Rev. Lett. 47, 233 – 236 (1981)
3. D. Vlassopoulos, et al. From hairy balls to hairy rods : Using macromolecular chemistry to bridge the gap between polymers and colloids,  The Journal of Rheology (2000)
4. W. Simon, Nuts Have No Hair, Class. Quant. Grav. 12, L125-L130 (1995)
5. S. Tanveer, Surprises in Viscous Fingering, J. Fluid Mech. vol. 409, pp. 273–308 (2000)
6. C. Glocker, F. Pfeiffer, Multiple impacts with friction in rigid multibody systems, Nonlinear Dynamics, Vol. 7 Number 4, 471-497 (1995)
7. U. Andreaus, P. Casini. Friction oscillator excited by moving base and colliding with a rigid or deformable obstacle. Int. Journal of Non-Linear Mech. Vol. 37, Issue 1 117-133 (2002)
8. W. Likos, N. Lu. Automated Measurement of Total Suction Characteristics in High-Suction Range: Application to Assessment of Swelling Potential, Journal of the Transportation Research Board, Vol. 1755 119-128 (2001)
9. W. Zhong, M. Zhang, Jet penetration depth in a two-dimensional spout–fluid bed. Chemical Eng. Science. Volume 60, Issue 2, Pages 315-327 (2005)
10. X. He, M. Dembo, Numerical Simulation of Oil-Droplet Cleavage by Surfactant, J. Biomech. Eng., Volume 118,  Issue 2, 201 (1996)
11. R. Wozniak, M. Rout, J. Aitchison. Karyopherins and kissing cousins. Trends in Cell Biology, Vol. 8 Issue 5 184-188 (1998)

Are there any papers of this nature I am missing? Sometimes the titles of papers just aren’t as lude as I hope. I searched through TATA box papers for hours the other day…

Sure, Improbable Research has a Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists, but what about those of us normal people with luxurious beards? If the Smithsonian Institute’s Flickr gallery can teach us anything, it’s that todays scientists can learn a lot from the fine beardsmanship of our forefathers.

We cater to all audiences here at Jacks of Science. If joining the Luxuriant Beard Club for Scientists isn’t your cup of tea, you may be interested in purchasing some Jack Black Beard Lube.